Author Dr. James. A McBean. D.Th., MCC

Copyright © 2012 Library of Congress Washington.D.C.20559

Publisher: Revival Tract Ministries Inc

The purpose of this article: Speaking to men-unborn! I had been writing for ages, and have no special person in mind!

I t takes a man a long time to win the attention of a woman. Then it takes more time to get his first kiss, and he has to put out a lot of efforts to drag her in bed, then when he finally gets her where he wanted her, he just gets up and move out on her? Something does not sound right. We all know that men are stupid, but something just do not add up. A man does not dump a woman that he labor to get and when he get her, he just dumps her off, get up and went off by himself. I agreed that we men do not make sense sometime, but that is not how the average men behave.

This article did not set out to blame anybody. However, to understand what is going on in a man's head a woman need to talk to another man. Because, women do not know, how men think.

Tommy Newberry In his book “Success Is Not An Accident” He say” Success is not an accident! This is, without a doubt, the single most important lesson you must learn and really understand if you want to develop your full potential and enjoy all the success you were designed to enjoy. Success in life comes from one thing: deciding exactly what you want to accomplish and then deliberately choosing to invest the minutes and hours of your life doing only those things that move you in the direction of your goal. It is simple. It is the truth. In addition, the moment you fully accept it, your life, and the lives of those you love will never again be the same. Success, however you choose to define it, is absolutely predictable.” This same lesson can be applied to all areas of our lives, even in trying to get a mate.

You need to realize that nothing come by chance. Good health does not come by chance, good relationship does not come by chance, you have to start it right, set it up right, and continue working on it. Sex drive does not continue by chance, you have to work on it, constantly monitoring your system and give your body what it need to work

To get and keep a man involves three things. First the woman must bring herself up to the standard of the man she is trying to get. She must make herself look good physically. Not necessarily slimming down, One of my clients wants a job to be a secretary, but her front teeth are hanging out of her mouth like a rhino. She never did get that job. If she wants a doctor, she might have to get that education or similar. Second, she must learn to give good signals. Signals giving are the art of conveying to men that the women are available, without verbalizing it. In some cases, women do not even need to give signals, because the men came knocking. After the man came on the hook, some good qualities will have to chip in to keep him home. Some of these we will talk about more in details.

GET HEALING BEFORE YOU START TO SEEK A MATE.

Proverbs 18:14 (KJV) The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

It is believed that most of the relationship that has been broken, broken because old grudges was dragged over from the previous relationship, and cause the broken up of the new relationship. Wounded heart that was not healed should not even bother to start a new relationship. If you have to drag that dead fish around you had better not try to start any new relationship. You have to forgive what old Joe did to you in Uncle Tom Cabin. You have been through hell in that cabin, but if you are going to start a new family you will have to give this new person a clean start. You have to remember that this was not the person that rape, robbed, and hurt you; in addition, this was not the person that lets you down. Also, If a man's sense that a woman been let down, he try to run out on her as soon as he learn that, because he do not want to step in the dung that some other men left behind.

NEGOCIATE THE TERM OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

In the world of business it not what you deserve, you get, but what you negotiate for. If a man wants a woman, he will pay her price. For example, if the woman is entertaining, a stripper. Before she moves in with this man, she must get him to agree not to come to her club where she works and create intimidation. She makes her money by shaking her stuff in the other man’s face, you do not want a spouse to be your shadow when you are on the job. Turning up at her job uninvited.

If you have more than one man, this is the time to tell him that you are only cutting him in on somebody else something. He must keep out of sight until he is being called. Decide on what kind of relationship is available and what kind you are willing to set up. Do not sell a man vagina, then act as if you married to him. That is, a business relationship.

If the man is a counselor, he must get the woman to agree that he does not have to declare to her what he was talking about, when he was counseling other women in his office. If the man is a black American man, the woman must fix his head and let him know, never to pick a fight with another man that look at her. Never to steer down other men but to act intelligently.

WINNING THE POWER STRUGGLE BATTLE, BEFORE YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER.

Amos 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

SEEK A MAN THAT YOU RATED TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO SUBMIT TO.

Ephes. 5:22 (NASB-U) Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Col. 3:18 (NASB-U) Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Conflicts of who has the emergency power in the family will develop between husband and wife, but the wife must choose a man that she rated, to the point of willing to agree with, that will put an end to the power struggle that always destroy marriage. Tug of war slows down the progress of marriage.

Every species of animals, let the males fight and compete, then the female chooses the strongest of them. Never had a female animal choose a weak and feeble male. Women, on the other hand choose men that they think they can manipulate. If you can manipulate him, other women can do the same thing with him.

One of my woman friends went to Canada and work for one year. She sent out all her money to her husband to build a house on their land, the man uses the money to build a house on his sweetheart land instead. When the woman came out she was broken hearted to see that one-year of her hardworking money build a good house for her husband’s sweetheart. She wonders where did she go wrong choosing a man this foolish!

Many people had problem with their jobs because they do not respect the supervisor, and do not want to work along with he/she. If a woman had negative views of men, she should first get it clean up by going to counselors. Because starting a relationship with a man, he is going to sense that she had a problem with men and, dump the relationship.

LEARNING TO KNOW A WEAK MAN.

If a man leaves high school and did not decide on what trade to learn, or did not already have one. This is a weak man. Because how is he going to live, and supportive wife and children? This means that something is wrong with his thinking. He is not able to make up his mind, nor decide on what he wants in life. Smart women will not build their lives around this man or falling in love with him.

If the man comes bringing big gifts over, and do not seem to sense that the woman are a little turned off by these gifts, this man has the ingredients to be a stalker, a woman beater and a woman killer.

YOU DO NOT WANT A MAN THAT HAVE NO USE IN BED

Some men are a good love maker, and are a good sweetheart material but not a husband. A husband must be smart, in survival. Mean good provider, and to be a good provider he must have the skills that will bring in the money.

LOOK OUT FOR HIDDEN TROUBLE.

Some people had hidden problems that they never get any council with, and they did not tell their intended spouse. Therefore, he or she does not know what to expect and prepare for until it happen.

There are things both men and women need to have in place like a net, before climbing up the relationship ladder. We need to learn problem handling skills. We must not bring the home problem to our jobs, nor bring the job problems to our home, we must learn to disengage from our Jobs once we leave for home, and learn to disengage from our home once we left for work. Nothing turns off a man like a woman coming home from work and started to pick a fight as she came home

LEAVE YOURSELF AN OUT.

Starting a relationship is like driving a car. When we drive down our highway, we do not put ourselves in a position that when the tractor and trailer turnover before us we have no place to go. Always positions yourselves in a way that you can maneuver the car, and have a place to run. Set it up so you get out without being left in debt or dead. Some men are pimps in disgust, looking for a woman to pimp around and to get hooked on drugs. You have to set up the relationship, that if you see that things is going badly you can jump ship before it destroy your whole life.

NEEDS AND COUNTER NEEDS.

In the book "Politics & people" Page 16. Robert Townsend wrote in his book" Up the Organization. Townsend said" All people have needs. The way we act is determined by needs that are not yet satisfied. Our needs form a sort of ladder. Until a person's needs have been satisfied on a lower level, he or she won't be interested in satisfying needs on a higher level." If a person's job is not taking care of their needs financially, they will either quit are look another part time job. It is important for women to know that most men will not be a sugar daddy for long. This is the man who keeps giving out and is getting back nothing in return but the woman smiling faces. A sugar daddy never gets his need met, and eventually run.

To keep a man as a friend are a husband, you have to be concerned about his needs, and give him the equal attention in return for what he has given to you the woman.

Women seek men because they had some kind of needs of men. Men responding to the signals coming from the women because men have women need also. At this point, we are using fire to put out the fire. We are also using needs to fix needs. If a man is going to hang around a woman, she will have to take care of his woman needs.

KNOW WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP IS AVAILABLE.

There are several kinds of relationship, as you will see on our websites. You need the one that fits you, like two gears working together. There are Friendships, marriage, common law marriage, business, and booty call kind of relationship. If the man is already living with somebody, the marriage relationship is already taken. If he is living with another woman, the common law marriage relationship is already taken. You just have to take what you can get if you have nothing. However, you cannot be the last one to come in there, then try to drive out whoever was there before you. If you cannot share, go get your own. However, keep in touch.

KNOW WHAT GROUP OF MEN YOU WOULD BE BEST FIT IN.

This is the secret, if you have the tendency to be fat, you should try zero in on the group of men that like fat women.

All the men there is can be classified into about six different groups. There is the Mamas man, the looks orientated man, the man for hire or gold digger, the sex orientated man, and the family oriented man. Out of all these groups of men, the only group that a fat woman would not do well in is the looks orientated group of man. In addition, this depends on what country the woman is living in. Because some country, the men want women with big bottom, big hip and small waist. In USA, people are going by what they saw on the TV. However, the TV is not real life. Those social skinny women pay a great price for that skinniness.

LEARNING TO GIVE GOOD SIGNALS.

The ratio between men and women in any place is seven women to one man. To get a man, a woman should not act as if she is God’s gift to man. One of my woman friends says she was not throwing herself to any man, but that is why she had no man. You cannot behave as if you are better than people are and get them to come to you.

One woman after trying to get to me for a long time and failed. Asked me to repair a pair of pants for her. After trying on the pants, she gets her panties caught up in the zipper, so she says. She asks me to loosen the zipper for her. I could hardly see what it caught up in because as far as I could remember there were no panties there in the first place. Now I had to have my hand in there, and everything is right up in my face. Everything was going her way, until her impotent husband came to help, and get me off the hook. I had to give her credit, because it works well. She knows how to make things happen, and that is all that matters.

Giving signals is the most vital part of getting a relationship up and running. In most cases woman do not even need to give signals. Men always come buzzing; it is a personal thing to come buzzing. Women will see men looking at them. Smart women can turn that look toward her own advantage. Some women (love language) are their greatest downfall. If you like, the man you must show it. You cannot want a man to be your friend and keep hurting inside, and expect him to know that you love him. Most men are not that smart. It is also important to know that just like women, each man has a wall of indifference or suspicion to break-in through. Women think that, such and such a man only want to get into their pants. Men also have their suspicion of women. A woman sees herself as cute, a man might see her as a pickpocket. Men suffer broken heartedness more than women, but, because men suppose to be tuft, most of them refuse to show it. Some men kill themselves after suffering a letdown. Most men are not shy or have cold feet in approaching a woman. Men suffer, let down many times and do not trust women. To get him you have to give good signals. A married woman who is trying to get a man must even give better signals. If the woman is a supervisor, are somebody that have men working under them as subordinate, she has to give even greater signals, because the men scare to make an approach and was wrong, and end up losing their job.

DO NOT GIVE A MAN DOUBLE SIGNALS

It is important to know that men have felt also just like women, and can be sometime broken heart just like women. Countless men kill themselves over on the broken hearted encounter. Do not feed a man with double signals, then when he leaves completely, we blame him for being withdrawn. Women give double signals when they have a best man a sad a second best man. When the best man is coming on strong she sent a signal to the second best saying” I did not mean it, go away” Then when the best man stop coming she sent a message to the second best man saying” Come on over I need you” To avoid giving a double signal it is best to tell the man that she had somebody, and only want somebody on the side. Since he is not number one, you do not want him to feel like a number one. You want him around, but not too near, then let him know he is not number one, you are only cutting him in somebody else something. Do not lead him on in the dark until he sees the skeleton in the closet.

"HOW TO GET A PROPOSAL FROM A MAN WITH JUST THREE QUESTIONS"

Every woman has the ability to know what kind of look she is getting from a man. If it is a scorn, a like, a love or lust looks, a woman can tell. She can also tell what part of her body the man is looking at. You see a man looking at you; you must try to decipher the looks.

After you are sure what kind of look it is. If it is alike, a love or a lust. He is now ready for the first question. #1 Hey John Wayne! Do you like what you see? Alternatively, does what you see, please?

This is going to open up a conversation. Within two are so minute into the conversation. He is now ready for the second question #2 what kind of work do you do? If he says, "I am a mechanic,” You could say. I always want to know how to change my oil. #3 could you teach me?

What you are doing now is setting him up for a date, without him even knowing it. If it is lost, like or love, he will be glad for the opportunity to get to you. If you have a car, you could have him over to your house in a day or two. When he arrives, you offer him a something to drink. If your car is working find, he does not have to pull anything but goes through the motion. You can them show him a movie, and get to know each other. From here onward, it is up to you.

GET YOUR SEX PROBLEM FIX.

I tried to rewrite all my pages and try to remove the word sex, because it offends people, however; it is so deep in our existence that it is almost impossible to remove it completely.

In the Oprah Magazine July. August 2000 volume 1. On page 180 It stated" An estimated 24 million American women aren't interested in sex, base on a recent study published in the journal of the American Medical Association" If a woman do not want the stuff, it is all ok, but chose a man that does not want the stuff also. Do not go chose stud and you know you want nothing.

When we reach a certain age, our body cuts down on the production of hormones, which we need to live an active life. However, we can know that something is wrong because there is the certain system in our body that warned us of what is happening. Constipation told us that the colon system is impacted, and need flash, or need a change of diet. You and I eat three meals per day, we must have at lest two bowel movement. If the food is not coming out then where is it going? Lack of sleep told us that our whole nervous system, emotional and physical life might collapse soon. Lack of sex urges tell us that the reproductive system, including the liver and circulatory system is in trouble. Love making is one of the biggest stress busters there is. The other stress buster is traveling. The third stress buster is worshiping God. But none of them come close to sexual pleasures.

Sexuality is a natural part of human existence, and should not be isolated and handles in the way we do, simply because of what it is; in fact, all of us are here because of sex. If somebody did not get the sexual urges and act upon it, the earth would not have replenished itself, so often as it did after two world wars and so many battles, death and destructions, also many out brakes of diseases, famines and earthquakes, no other forces or urges to live keep the earth going, but sex.

This is one of the doctrines that is most miss understand in the Bible, and there are very few doctrines like the doctrine of reproduction, in fact it is the only teaching that has never been fully expound on by the Church, you hear very little about sex from the pulpit, and whenever you hear any thing it is always in the negative, with some blood and hell fire attach to it, people talk about the reproduction instinct in a hush, hush kind of way, it is look down upon as the great sin, people in the church think that they are saved because they have not indulged in sexual practice. It is the only doctrine that is left up to the ungodly people to teach. Everybody who has the gift or the need for championship participates in the act some way or another, but nobody is willing to say yes we do. Because of the mentalities that have surrounded the act, many people do not know the right and wrong about the bed act, even among some people who are married; they still feel guilty when they participate in love making. But a careful and intelligent study of the Bible is the only way to determine the right wrong about the reproductive system.

God himself has invented sex, for the continuing of the human race. God told Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the Earth, back then the only way they know how to continue the human race was by the good old fashion sex.

Genesis 1:26 (NASB-U) Then God said, "Let Us make man in our image, according to our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth”.

A woman can get a man regardless. However, if she has no hormone, and do not feel for that kind of thing, she will have to have money so as to catch a man for hire. For unknown reasons, many church people had a problem with such a thing, even the word turns them off.

Men are more concern with the woman's attitudes, availability, sense ability and sex ability is what men care about and nothing else.

BEWARE OF MARRIAGE BREAKERS.

You must have a grievance plan. How do you plan to deal with hearsay? There are people who specialized in breaking up marriage. One photographer told me how he was paid to break up a marriage. Certain people spread rumors that they were along with such a person who is now married to a certain people. The person denied of ever knowing such a person. Therefore, they employed a photographer. The photographer was presented with two photographs of different people, who pretend that they never knew each other. He splices the two picture and re-shout in his lab, then make a development of the two people together in the same picture. Then presented to the spouse. The marriage breaks up. Years later the husband found out how it was done, he employed hit man to kill the photographer. The photographer is now running from town to town. People can break up your life, if you do not have a plan in place.

WOMEN SHOULD NOT USE WOMEN COUNSELORS.

To Get a man and keep him, you have to beware of other women, especially friends and your very own sisters.

Sirach 42:13 "For just as moths come from garments, so harm to women comes from women." The New American Bible, Saint Joseph Edition

If a woman is having problem with men she should not use women COUNSELORS. Women tend to side with women, and when your marriage is about to hit the rock, you want to know how to save it. There is not time for stereotyping.

Also, women do not like to see when another woman gets lucky. One woman gets a good man, her friends feel left out, and begin to poison her mind toward the man, so she can leave him that they can get him. Finally, the woman left the man and move from Jamaica to the United States. She gets up her friends, the same one that messes up things for her. As the time goes by, things leak out and she found out that she was tricked into dumping the man.

Another woman from Guyana, get a good man. Her friends poisoned mind and told her to leave the man, and return to Guyana. The husband came home one day and find the house empty. For some four years he does not know where the wife was. One day he was passing one of those high Apartment buildings in New York and he heard a woman call to him. He looked up and saw that it was his wife best friend, she throws down the key for him to come up. After talking for hours, she told him where his wife was. Her return to Guyana a build a house and live there. She asked him to sleep with her that night, when making love to her, she told him that it is a long time that she wants him but the other woman was in the way. Right there the husband found out that it is she that poison the wife mind and sent her away. You have to beware of other women with your man. This problem is even worse in the church and among blood sisters, as soon as the author get married, one of the wife, sisters kicked her in the belly, trying to make her lost our first child, prayer was made and the bleeding stop.

NEVER TELL A WOMAN FRIEND, HOW GOOD YOUR HUSBAND IS IN BED.

One of my friends gets his niece pregnant. He said the niece said to him that she wants to taste some of what she hear her aunt is boasting about. I ask him what did he do? He said that when he put the nine inch on her, she said "Be careful you might have an egg in your" Never tell another woman how long your husband thing is.

YOU HAVE THE FISH ON THE HOOK; DO NOT MAKE HIM GET AWAY.

A man will be a around for years and cannot get a woman, and from one woman pick him up sudden a whole herd of women came bidding to take him away from the first woman that nab him. Once you get the man, it takes a different series of ingredients to keep him. Cuter woman is going to come and pose a challenge. The cuteness will cause a woman to get a man's attention, but pretty face, and pretty finger nails will never keep a man in there, it takes more than just that. You will need problem solving skills, you will need communication skills. You will need to have a little counseling skill. What I am trying to say is that you will have to be a mother to that man before you can be his husband. Do not go over board with my phrase now "Being a mother to him" I am only talking about being a friend for real.

ANTICIPATE THE PROBLEMS THAT PELAGE MARRIAGES AND DEAL WITH IT EVEN BEFORE IT BECAME A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE:

Just like everything else, the success of marriage are based on principles, and not just luck. It is a principle that anybody that learn it can have the same result.

Some of the problems that seem to plague marriages are, look a phobia. This is when one spouse is afraid and insecure, that his or her spouse might be looking at somebody else. Many fights and even killing happen over “ What you looking at?”

One lady told me that her Jamaican husband buy her a house, and within two months after moving into their new home, he moves out on her and gone to live with another woman in a rented house.

I could not understand it until some eight months later when my wife and I buy our first home and we move in. I suddenly feel like I am living in her father’s house and I am not the owner of the house. I had to go back and look at the documentation to see if it is my name on it, and check with my account to see if the mortgage is coming from it. I know she makes me feel this way because she is over joyed and did not really meant it. But like I say, "men are stupid" and will get up and leave.

STARTING OVER FROM A DIVORCE.

Getting a man could be a piece of cake depending on your present positions. For a woman who has a good trade, good body shape, good attitudes and good spirit, finding a man could be easy as one, two, and three.

Picking up the pieces and starting over from a divorce is hard work especially for the woman. The husband only needs to send in his child support, but the woman has the children with her, in most cases. These will scare off other men who do not want the responsibility of being a daddy for another man's child. Not only that, some husband wants to return once they found out that the woman find love again. He started to come around again, using the children as excuses.

If the children are, under eighteen you will need to wait until those children came of age to consider serious relationship. Some men have no control and they messed up the children, by abusing them sexually.

I know that a woman has to get her sexual need taking care of, but for the children same, it is best not to choose a shocking up kind of relationship, or a relationship where that man is living in your home with those under age children. Not that all men are bad, but you just have to be realistic. My sister was raped by mama's boyfriend; she never did get any council because in those days we never did know anything about counseling. My sister never did recover from that rape. All about her relationship with men was a mess from that time, up to the time of her death. If you have to break your knuckle, do so, but think about those children.