Author Dr. James. A McBean. D.Th., MCC

Copyright © 2008 Library of Congress Washington.D.C.20559

Publisher: Revival Tract Ministries Inc

The purpose of this article: Speaking to men-unborn! I had been writing for ages, and have no special person in mind!

Y You cannot use Put-downs, sarcasm, negative comments, constant fault finding, contradictions, threatening, name calling, such as “Jerk, dope, nag, bitch, brat, rat and nigger," and expect to have a working relationship. In addition: You cannot use labeling, needling, and fingering, and expect to have a working relationship. Communication skills, and anger management skills are needed in any relationship. Beating the other into submission and spiting the other into submission is only asking to get oneself kill. The relationship will fall into dirty water and get sour on you.

Getting to know people, and knowing what, and whom you are falling for is, prime most important to the success of every relationship. There are people who enjoy conflicts, and those who are so insecure, that if they do not control the whole neighborhood, they do not feel safe. It is impossible to live with these. To escape these kinds, you must know them from a distance.

In the book. “People Skill” By Robert Bolton, Ph.D., Page. 6. “Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship. When open, clear sensitive communication takes place, the relationship is nurtured. When communication is guarded, hostile, or ineffective, the relationship falters. When the communication flow is largely obstructed, the relationship quickly deteriorates and ultimately dies. When communication skills are lacking, there is so much lost love, between spouses, lovers, friends, parents and children”

(People Skill) Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey 07632.

“Everett L. Worthington, Jr.” In his book. (Marriage Counseling, A Christian Approach to Counseling Couples.) Page 17. “Marriages are in trouble today. Cherlin found that divorce rates have risen alarmingly over the last 100 years. By 1980, the divorce rate was over fifty percent: over one of every two couples married in 1880 will ultimately divorce! Of course, such growth rates cannot continue indefinitely. Nonetheless, marriage as a long-term relationship is in trouble.” Copyright 1989. Intervarsity press Downers Grove, Illinois 60515.

The Drowning Of A Relationship.

Every relationship is taken down by one of eighteen things. Things such as. “Power struggle, money problems, the interferences of families and friends, hearsays, unsatisfied sex life, conflicting sexual preferences, ill-feelings and tit for tat” The list goes on. If the person is not sober minded a simple thing as “hearsays” Can drown his or her marriage. Because, this kind of people has no communication skills. Instead of getting the “hair-says” clear up through communication, it goes into ill feelings, nagging, put down, goes to hell looks, complaining, sarcasm, fault finding, contradictions, and screaming out polluted anger”

The first lesson any lover need to know is this one thing. You cannot get anything but trouble out of a person that is not sober in the head. A sober minded person is one that understands the seriousness of life.

Young Men Were Asked To Be Sober-Minded.

Tit 2:6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. Tit 2:7 In all things having shown yourself a pattern of good works: in the doctrine, pure, sensibleness, without corruption,

Tit 2:8 in sound speech that cannot be condemned, that he who is opposed may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

Old Women And Young Women Are Asked To Be Sober-minded.

Tit 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becomes holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I heard preachers say the “The bible never told women to love their husbands” It only told men to love their wives. Well! Look at Titus 2:4. Love is like a ring, for it to work the circle must not be broken. The both of them are responsible to love.

Relationship Is Not Cheap To Start.

Not even a sweet heart and mysterious relationship starts cheaply. Every bottle of wine added up. Every phone call and every text message added up and equal money. We cannot afford to make a simple problem like, “The interference of family and friends” Ruin our relationship.

In setting up a relationship, the couple must (first) decide on who has emergency power in the relationship. This will cause the two to work together and put an end to “Power struggle” If a couple cannot decide on which of the two has emergency power in the relationship that is a red flag. The two are not cut out for each other. In our time: The one that is the main financiers of the home is the primary head. However, in real time the man is always the authoritative figure in the home. In addition, the woman should treat a man as such, once he is the one living home along with her. You cannot treat him less and expect to get more. We cannot treat people less and expect to get much out of them.

Ephes. 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

1 Cor. 11:3 (KJV) But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God

Fifty Percents Of Marriage End Sourly.

. “Tim Clinton” in the Book, “Marriage Works” Maco 101. “The marriage you’ve Always wanted “Page 8. “Nearly 50% of today’s marriages end up in divorce. If you count those who separate and never come back to the marriage but don’t divorce, 66% of marriages are failing.” The Light Learning Institute. P.O. Box 739. Forest, VA 24551

Remember it is not an Enemy.

Do not use bating in a relationship: Bating spring from ill feelings. “Ill-feeling” Causes people to keep moping: This is to go about with a gloomy or dejected spirit. This is a drag down to the relationship. This also can cause the other party to arrive at their own negative conclusion.

Sirach Chapter 7: 26. If you have a wife, let her not seem odious to you; but where there is ill feelings, trust her not. ( The New American Bible) Saint Joseph Edition. Catholic Book Publishing Company.

Leave room for reconciliation to chip in after every fight.

Do not lecture each other. Nobody like when being scolded. Say what's bothering and get it out of the way. By so doing, you can get back the relationship on tract.

Ephes. 4:26 (KJV) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Beware of Marital roadblocks.

Many Christians went on a “Guilt trip” after sexual intercourse. The blessing of procreation that God bestows upon us. We get holier that God who designs it, and starting to look down upon the “bed act.” Many popular preachers only come back down to earth after they have fallen into the so call “Sex sin” reminded them that they are human after all, and for that very purpose did our creator created us to be. To make matters worse, some Christians measure their high of piety by their ability to withhold themselves from sexual intercourse. What they do not know: This is the sign of diabetes. “Diabetic” in its developing stages: Start to destroy its victim's eyesight, gradually or do the same to its victims sex urges. For me it was my eyesight, for a friend of mine, it was his eyesight and his sex drive.

(Diabetes Mellitus (Diabetes, Diabetic, Diabetics) A disease with increased blood glucose levels due to lack or ineffectiveness of insulin. Diabetes is found in two forms; insulin-dependent diabetes (juvenile-onset) and non-insulin-dependent (adult-onset). Symptoms include increased thirst; increased urination; weight loss in spite of increased appetite; fatigue; nausea; vomiting; frequent infections including bladder, vaginal, and skin; blurred vision; impotence in men; bad breath; cessation of menses; diminished skin fullness. Other symptoms include bleeding gums; ear noise/buzzing; diarrhea; depression; confusion.

http://www.diagnose-me.com/cond/C477282.html#G858

We begin by stating that having any chronic disease may in itself cause anxiety, which can result in sexual dysfunction. But having said that, it is also true that diabetics do report more sexual dysfunction than the populations at large. In his book, Talking About Sex (American Psychiatric Press, Inc., 1995), Derek C.. Polonsky, MD. States that 20% of diabetic, both men and women, report sexual dysfunction. (Note this is a smaller percentage than that reported later in this report, which addresses the actual percentages of all dysfunctions.).http://www.diabetic-lifestyle.com/articles/apr98_whats_2.htm

The Most Successful Roadblocks.

(1Co 7:1) Now concerning what you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1Co 7:2) But, because of the fornications, let each have his own wife, and let each have her own husband. (1Co 7:3) Let the husband give to the wife proper kindness, and likewise the wife also to the husband. (1Co 7:4) The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.

Is call “Sexual Spiting” is one of the most successful roadblocks, in the marriage. It not only shut down the serenity of a marriage, but it also vacant the marriage, and put it up for sale. This is where sincere Christians suffer a lot. A disgruntle mate sometime stops having sexual intercourse for months, causing the other party to commit adultery. Many Christian’s men turn Muslims for this very reason, so as to have more than one wife.

Just Suppose The Other Mate Has No Control?

1Co 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.

(1Co 7:5) Do not deprive one another, unless it is with consent for a time, so that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your incontinence.

Infection The Sucker Punch.

It is quite possible that an infection can develop due to estrogen deficiency, without any form of infidelity on both parties. Whenever this happens in Christian’s marriage, the marriage always ends in tragedy. Each thinking the other was unfaithful. In the book. “The Practice Of Medicine” By Dr. Samuel Thompson. Page 427. Chapter xx1. “The peace of the family has in some instances been destroyed, by a wife or husband being affected with symptoms resembling those attending the venereal disease, at the same time the accused party being entirely innocent. Instances have occurred in which symptoms of gonorrhea have occurred in men, in consequence of the wife being affected with a severe form of Fluor Albus, or whites, each party accusing the other of infidelity” Copyright 1850, By J. W. Comfort, M, D.,

One of my friend marriages was on the rocks. He came down with an infection. His wife also has it. They both start blaming each other. Take an oath one their parents gave that he she was faithful. I buy this book in a burnt out book store in Mount Vernon for $. 25 cents. However, the knowledge came too late for them.

Negotiating And Agreements.

One writer says. “In the world of business is not what you deserve you get, it is what you negotiate for” In the book. “Couple’s Guide to Communication. By. John Gottman. Page 61. “You must keep in mind that if you want things to change in your relationship, you also will have to change. “Change” for many people is rarely an easy process or one that occurs overnight. Yet it is our human potential for change that provides the necessary conditions for working out satisfying relationships with friends, family, and lovers. Everyone can change if they want to.” Copyright 1976. Research press 2612 North Mattis Avenue Champaign, ill 61822

After The Griping Then The Silent.

On page 62. “Gripe Time” “The first stage of a family meeting is the time when gripes and resentments can be vented. During this stage, it is important for you to realize that your spouse’s gripes are not necessarily true or false and it is not, repeat not, your job to defend yourself. Your job during the gripe time is to listen to your spouse’s gripes, and to make sure that you understand what your spouse is saying. Remember that resentments and gripes are always one person’s way of seeing a situation.”

If a relationship is to be save, the couple must start fixing it from it was in the griping stage, because after the griping stage is over, the silent stage comes in. To get people back to the bargaining table after the relationship falls into silence is a waste of time.

Conflicting Love Language.

As simple as it sounds, a conflicting love language can drive two people who love each other apart. A certain woman and myself fought a war for two years. Finally, I went to see the boss and demand to have this problem resolve. The boss said to me. “James! This girl loves you” Suddenly! She laughs out. I was too blind, too touchy, and to “holier than thou” To see all that love which was following me around, teasing and making fun of.

Bibliography.

Dr. Samuel Thompson. Copyright 1850, By J.W.Comfort, M,D.,

“Everett L. Worthington, Jr.” (Marriage Counseling, A Christian Approach to Counseling Couples) Copyright 1989. Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, Illinois 60515.

“People Skill” By Robert Bolton, Ph.D., Prentice Hall, Inc. Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey 07632.

“Tim Clinton” “Marriage Works” Maco 101. The Light Learning Institute. P.O. Box 739. Forest, VA 24551

Couple’s Guide to Communication. By. John Gottman. Copyright 1976. Research press 2612 North Mattis Avenue Champaign, ill 61822

(Diabetes Mellitus (Diabetes, Diabetic, Diabetics)http://www.diagnose-me.com/cond/C477282.html#G858

Sexual dysfunction With Diabetic. http://www.diabetic-lifestyle.com/articles/apr98_whats_2.htm